🌿Field Note: Herbs as Hugs, Flowers as Kisses aka Learning How to Love Myself Gently

I have been noticing something small,
but it doesn’t feel small.

The herbs I add to my tea—
thyme, rosemary, a little clove—
they feel like something more than flavor.

They feel like a kind of holding.

A warmth that settles into my chest
and says, you’re okay, you’re here, you’re cared for.

And the flowers—
when I add them to water or tea—
soft petals, light sweetness—

those feel like kisses.

Not dramatic.
Not overwhelming.

Just small, quiet touches of beauty.

It occurred to me, gently, without judgment:

these might be the hugs and kisses
I didn’t receive the way I needed as a child
or even as an adult.

And instead of that feeling empty or sad,
it felt… true.

And somehow, comforting.

Because I am giving them to myself now.

A warm cup held in both hands.
Steam rising.
A slow sip.

A sprig of rosemary placed with intention.
A flower floating at the surface.

These are not just ingredients.

They are gestures.

I am learning that love doesn’t have to arrive
in the ways I once expected.

It can be:

• warm

• fragrant

• quiet

• consistent

It can be something I prepare for myself
at the end of the day.

Tonight, I made a cup of tea
with herbs from the garden
and spices from the shelf.

I sat with it
after the wine, after the noise, after the doing.

And I felt it—

not as absence,
but as presence.

I know how to comfort myself.
I know how to create warmth.
I know how to offer myself tenderness.

I know how to attune to the moment and deepen it.

And for now,
that is enough. 🌿