XUDE'S PRIVATE DIARY ENTRY akdj;la2390ujkfsdn: Cat Out of the Blue

I need to explain how I acquired a companion. It happened at 2nd Employment.

I accidentally acquired a cat. Maybe I didn’t do acquiring. It just happened.

I was behind the retail establishment called Target leaving with my scone, when I observed a small, dirty animal sitting near the large waste containers.

This is not unusual.

Earth contains an extraordinary number of animals that humans have collectively agreed belong to no one.

I looked at the cat.

The cat looked at me.

And said:

Come here.

I looked around.

There were no humans nearby.

Come here. I need you.

I looked back at the cat.

The cat blinked.

I'm alone.

I approached.

I'm not very good at hunting.

The cat was extremely thin.

I don't smell very good.

This was accurate.

I'm scared of the other cats.

She had a torn place on one ear and several small scratches around her nose.

I've never done this before.

I did not understand.

"Done what?"

This.

She seemed to mean Outside.

Then there was something different.

Not words exactly.

A room.

A soft chair.

An old woman.

A television that remained on for long periods without anyone watching it.

A blue blanket.

A hand resting on the cat's back.

Then confusion.

Boxes.

The old woman disappearing.

A man.

A vehicle.

The door opening.

Outside.

I was an old lady's cat.

More images.

She went somewhere.

A building.

Hallways.

Strange smells.

The old woman was there but the cat was not permitted to remain with her.

Her son brought me here.

Pause.

He left.

I sat down on the pavement.

The cat came closer.

I have communicated telepathically with numerous intelligent species.

I have communicated with beings who experience time simultaneously, organisms composed primarily of gas, and one species whose thoughts are transmitted through variations in body temperature.

Until today I did not know I could speak Cat.

I am not entirely certain "speak" is the correct term.

Cat appears to consist of words, pictures, smells, sensations, demands, and extremely strong opinions delivered simultaneously.

The cat walked directly into my lap.

You can take me.

"I don't think I can."

You can.

"I have not been authorized to acquire an Earth animal."

That's okay.

"No. It is actually a significant problem."

I'm hungry.

"I understand."

And I don't smell very good.

"I am aware."

She began purring.

This is an astonishingly manipulative biological mechanism.

I told her I was only going to find her something to eat.

She understood this to mean that we were leaving together.

I told her I could not take her to my residence.

She showed me the blue blanket again.

I told her there were procedures for these situations.

She put her head beneath my hand.

I told her Headquarters would certainly object.

She said:

Scratch.

So I scratched.

I have named her Blue.

This was apparently unnecessary.

She informed me that her name was Muffin.

Of course it was.

She said I could change it, apparently sensing my disapproval.

Blue.

Because of the blanket, and because she came from "out of the blue," an Earth idiom I particularly enjoy.

Blue is presently asleep on my bed.

She still does not smell very good.

She said I had better not bathe her or else.

I am afraid we may have to come to else.

She could use a bath.

I have submitted no report to Headquarters.

I do not intend to.

Private observation: I believe Blue adopted me.

This is troubling.

I am beginning to suspect Earth is happening to me.

Irregular.

Perhaps this is something like an allergy.

Continued exposure appears to be producing a reaction.