XUDE’S PRIVATE DIARY: Entry ix8dkjdof432

I am becoming increasingly uncertain about this assignment.

Not Earth.

That distinction seems important.

I am not tired of Earth.

I am tired of observing Earth as though I am not on it.

Headquarters continues to request findings. Patterns. Anomalies. Behavioral inconsistencies. Economic activity. Employment data. I collect these things. I transmit them. Headquarters asks for more.

I no longer understand what we are trying to discover.

The Earthlings are becoming less interesting as research subjects and more interesting as Earthlings.

This is probably a problem.

There are people at my places of employment who say good morning to me. They ask whether I slept well. One brought me coffee without being instructed to do so because they remembered how I take it.

I have begun to anticipate these interactions.

I find this disturbing.

Also comforting.

I do not know if both can be true simultaneously, but Earth seems to permit this.

There is also Marbles.

Marbles was living behind one of my places of employment.

Initially, I provided food for observational purposes.

This is not true.

I provided food because Marbles was hungry.

I continued providing food because Marbles began waiting for me.

Eventually Marbles followed me to my vehicle and shouted continuously until I opened the door.

I brought Marbles home.

I am aware this constitutes an unauthorized addition to my field residence.

Marbles requires a container of particulate matter in which to deposit waste. I must remove the waste manually. His food smells extremely unpleasant. His hair has begun appearing on surfaces that he has never visibly occupied.

These are significant disadvantages.

However, Marbles produces a low-frequency vibration when content.

The frequency of purring is very satisfactory.

Sometimes he sleeps against me and purrs simultaneously.

I did not know unconscious animals could continue expressing satisfaction.

Marbles also appears to possess very few functional brain cells.

He pursues mice that are not present.

Yesterday he attacked a shadow cast by his own tail and appeared surprised when the tail retaliated.

He has fallen from the same windowsill three times.

I named him Marbles because I believe several of his are missing.

He appears to adore me.

Continuously.

This is difficult to understand.

I have provided food, shelter, water, sanitation services and several small objects that roll.

Perhaps this is sufficient explanation.

It does not feel sufficient.

I have done nothing to deserve the degree of devotion Marbles displays when I return home. He runs toward me as though my arrival is the most important event that has occurred on Earth that day.

I find myself looking forward to it.

There is a conference call scheduled with Headquarters.

I believe I am going to be terminated as a field researcher.

I have failed to maintain appropriate observational distance. My transmissions have become less productive. My questions have increased while my conclusions have decreased.

The mission increasingly seems pointless to me.

This is surely evidence of failure.

I should be concerned about what happens if Headquarters recalls me.

Instead I keep thinking:

What happens to Marbles?

I do not believe Headquarters has a protocol for this.

I do not believe I do either.