Transmission From Headquarters: Pennies for their thoughts.
TRANSMISSION RECEIVED
Interstellar Administrative Collective
Office of Peripheral Research Oversight
Transmission #44,817-A
Field Researcher XUDE,
Your recent transmissions have been received.
Your request for clarification has also been received.
No clarification will be provided.
We acknowledge successful acquisition of a third part-time employment assignment. Productivity metrics continue to improve. Headquarters encourages further employment acquisition should additional hours become available. Research quality is known to increase when investigators possess insufficient recovery time.
Please refrain from including reports regarding physical discomfort, emotional fatigue, dietary inconveniences, weather, or the repetitive vocalizations of local primates. Such data have been classified as "Expected Conditions."
Regarding the so-called Theft of Liberty Penny, Headquarters has, of course, been aware of this phenomenon for several centuries.
We are disappointed that you required so long to notice it.
No prior documentation exists to support this statement.
Your assignment remains unchanged.
Please obtain an unbiased account of the event from participants who insist nothing unusual has occurred.
Should they deny the event entirely, produce independent confirmation from witnesses who were never present.
Ensure all conclusions are universally accepted by every opposing faction simultaneously.
Failure to accomplish these objectives may affect your annual research evaluation.
Continue observing.
Do not interfere.
Do not become attached.
Do not return until your findings are complete.
Headquarters appreciates your continued service.
End Transmission.
